I am proud to say I am a friend to many. Very proud. I can happily say I have friends all over the world. Some I have hugged and some I have not. I have internet friends and mom friends, childhood friends and adult friends. I have many kinds of friends.
I can also say, not so proudly, that I have dated a lot recently. In the past few years I have been on more first dates than I care to mention. 99% of them have ended with the semi-sad fact that I am not what they are looking for or what they expected.
And that is ok. Completely ok! I am confidant in who I am as a person and I do not need to be what they think I should be just to hang on to them for a longer period of time.
But today I found myself thinking about what I was going to wear out over the weekend so that I could perhaps attract some attention. I have been buying more bright colors and while I buy them for my own pleasure and because I am a bit sick of the chubby girl 3 (Black red and gray) I know I have also been buying them to gain a bit more attention of the folks I might care to get to know better. And this thought occurred to me when I was in the shower tonight.
We all do that to an extent. We buy things and do things that we know will attract the eye or ear of others. We laugh a bit louder than we might have otherwise. We try a new perfume or cologne. We get a new haircut. We buy a new outfit. And all of that is fine, as long as we know where the line is drawn.
When I was a military spouse, there was an expectation. You should dress appropriately and neatly. I was good at that. Hair neat, makeup minimal, clothes nice but not too nice and colorful but not too colorful.
The thing is, under all of the weight of those expectations, are we being true to ourselves? How can we be sure that we are?
As a parent, I know that I want my kids to try to be whatever they want to be an whomever they want to be. I want them to grow in confidence of their abilities and I want them to keep trying when others doubt. But do I do that myself? Do I lead by example?
People at church expect me to be one way. Super volunteer is usually part of it. People at work expect me to be another way. (Big mean banker lady) Old friends want me to be how they remembered and new ones take that first impression and kinda pin it on for keeps. I would say of all of those things apply.. I am many of them. I am many things to many people. I am a shoulder to cry on, an ear that listens, a person that tells it like it is. I am snarky and sassy and I am friendly and fun. I am all of these things. And sometimes people only see one of them and sometimes, once in a while, they are lucky enough to know all of the sides of me. And that is me being me.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Sick days and little successes.
So much has changed in the months since I started working outside of the home. Work is great and I am finding new ways of getting out for some adult time. And that is important. It was something I never did when I was first divorced. It was something I rarely did (other than official AF functions) when I was married. I do get out though and it is worth it to make that time and hire the sitter even though it does take away from what time I do have with the kids.
But today I am home.. sick and sore. I truly hate days like this because I am a very active person. I like to be busy. I HATE being sloth. I move at the speed of "What's next?" to quote my favorite tv show.(Bonus points for if you can name the show in the comments)
My weekend consisted of dress shopping for my littler girl and assembling furniture for the patio. I love it and it was worth it..but dang.. I am paying today. Sore. and to top it off... having major tummy troubles.. to the point my cube mates could hear them........... Yeah.... soak that one in for a moment.
Moving on. Sick days have certainly changed! I have 6 through the year.. and the kids.. wellllll. That is where we hit a wall. Until a few weeks ago, I could count on my mom to watch them if needed. I also have several SAHMs that are willing to step in as well where needed. Single parenting has taught me many things and one of those things is plan ahead and plan often. Contingency plans on top of contingency plans. And it has worked well for me so far. I have a list of sitters for adult nights out that do not mind spending the night and being dropped off wherever needed in the morning and a list for those days when a fever spikes or a tummy is upset.
That is one of those things I think should be taught more by our parents. I know my daughters and I spend time talking about the fact that, if something does not work out at first, you have to move ahead and try the next thing. Hopefully that serves them well. If at first you don't succeed, try try again!
And that is something else we have to remind ourselves and our kids. You are not always going to succeed..but you should never stop trying. Even when you feel beaten down and put upon. Even when you feel like you have given your all and you still have not won. And maybe even when you have had someone let you down, hurt you, or even abandon you. You cannot quit. You have to go on. You have to keep trying. For ever door that closes, a window opens. For every dark cloud, a silver lining. For every evil, something good emerges.
And so, as my stomach has let me down today, I have pressed on, written this blog, searched for things and finalized my plans for the garden. And tomorrow I will get up and try to go to work again. Maybe this time, I will succeed.
Much love xx
But today I am home.. sick and sore. I truly hate days like this because I am a very active person. I like to be busy. I HATE being sloth. I move at the speed of "What's next?" to quote my favorite tv show.(Bonus points for if you can name the show in the comments)
My weekend consisted of dress shopping for my littler girl and assembling furniture for the patio. I love it and it was worth it..but dang.. I am paying today. Sore. and to top it off... having major tummy troubles.. to the point my cube mates could hear them........... Yeah.... soak that one in for a moment.
Moving on. Sick days have certainly changed! I have 6 through the year.. and the kids.. wellllll. That is where we hit a wall. Until a few weeks ago, I could count on my mom to watch them if needed. I also have several SAHMs that are willing to step in as well where needed. Single parenting has taught me many things and one of those things is plan ahead and plan often. Contingency plans on top of contingency plans. And it has worked well for me so far. I have a list of sitters for adult nights out that do not mind spending the night and being dropped off wherever needed in the morning and a list for those days when a fever spikes or a tummy is upset.
That is one of those things I think should be taught more by our parents. I know my daughters and I spend time talking about the fact that, if something does not work out at first, you have to move ahead and try the next thing. Hopefully that serves them well. If at first you don't succeed, try try again!
And that is something else we have to remind ourselves and our kids. You are not always going to succeed..but you should never stop trying. Even when you feel beaten down and put upon. Even when you feel like you have given your all and you still have not won. And maybe even when you have had someone let you down, hurt you, or even abandon you. You cannot quit. You have to go on. You have to keep trying. For ever door that closes, a window opens. For every dark cloud, a silver lining. For every evil, something good emerges.
And so, as my stomach has let me down today, I have pressed on, written this blog, searched for things and finalized my plans for the garden. And tomorrow I will get up and try to go to work again. Maybe this time, I will succeed.
Much love xx
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Changing titles SAHM to SWM
Well, a few months ago I finally did the thing I did not think I wanted to do nor thought I even could do... I got a full time job! I really lucked out as I asked some friends if they knew of anyone hiring and I almost immediately got asked to apply for a job at a large local bank that I think anyone could recognize but I will not say exactly which one.. just to keep things on the up and up. So now I work in front of a computer all day and honestly I am very very happy! I work with great people and I laugh every day. But... I was thinking about it the other day and.. well I am no longer in that awesome club.. the SAHM Stay At Home Moms. I am now a Single Working Mother. It used to terrify me when I would think about being one of those working moms. Would my kids miss me? Would I screw them up because I was not there every moment? What if someone gets sick?
Well.. each and every one of these things has come up. Several times I have had to rely on other people to pick one of them up from school or stay with them because of a snow day that they had but I did not or because one of them got sick or whatever. And it all worked out. Am I busier? Heck yes! Is the house a bit messier? Ummm.. I plead the 5th on that one (YES) Do we have times when the kids say they miss me when I am not home when they get home? Absolutely! Do I miss getting them off to school in the mornings and snuggling their warm little selves when they just wake up? Yes, but I get my weekends and it makes me appreciate those moments even more.
And I do find that now we spend more time together on the weekends. We clean together and go outside together and we have more money to go do fun things so not every weekend is spent sitting looking at the wall like we once did. The flip side is that homework is sometimes not finished till right before bedtime because someone or another needed help and I was not home yet. And laundry is almost never caught up. And there are nearly always dishes in the sink. But again.. I would say we are doing pretty darn good for the amount of time I have been working now.
So to all of those moms who went back to work when their babies were tiny and to the ones who waited for the day after kindergarten.. I appreciate how much of a sacrifice that is for you. And I know you are doing it for them just as much as you do it for you. And to all those lucky moms (that I was glad to be one of for years and years) who get to be there for every wake up and goodnight.. hang onto those moments for all of us moms who can't.
Love you all xx
Well.. each and every one of these things has come up. Several times I have had to rely on other people to pick one of them up from school or stay with them because of a snow day that they had but I did not or because one of them got sick or whatever. And it all worked out. Am I busier? Heck yes! Is the house a bit messier? Ummm.. I plead the 5th on that one (YES) Do we have times when the kids say they miss me when I am not home when they get home? Absolutely! Do I miss getting them off to school in the mornings and snuggling their warm little selves when they just wake up? Yes, but I get my weekends and it makes me appreciate those moments even more.
And I do find that now we spend more time together on the weekends. We clean together and go outside together and we have more money to go do fun things so not every weekend is spent sitting looking at the wall like we once did. The flip side is that homework is sometimes not finished till right before bedtime because someone or another needed help and I was not home yet. And laundry is almost never caught up. And there are nearly always dishes in the sink. But again.. I would say we are doing pretty darn good for the amount of time I have been working now.
So to all of those moms who went back to work when their babies were tiny and to the ones who waited for the day after kindergarten.. I appreciate how much of a sacrifice that is for you. And I know you are doing it for them just as much as you do it for you. And to all those lucky moms (that I was glad to be one of for years and years) who get to be there for every wake up and goodnight.. hang onto those moments for all of us moms who can't.
Love you all xx
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