Being me vs Being who everyone thinks I am (or should be)

I am proud to say I am a friend to many. Very proud. I can happily say I have friends all over the world. Some I have hugged and some I have not. I have internet friends and mom friends, childhood friends and adult friends. I have many kinds of friends.
I can also say, not so proudly, that I have dated a lot recently. In the past few years I have been on more first dates than I care to mention. 99% of them have ended with the semi-sad fact that I am not what they are looking for or what they expected.
And that is ok. Completely ok! I am confidant in who I am as a person and I do not need to be what they think I should be just to hang on to them for a longer period of time.
But today I found myself thinking about what I was going to wear out over the weekend so that I could perhaps attract some attention. I have been buying more bright colors and while I buy them for my own pleasure and because I am a bit sick of the chubby girl 3 (Black red and gray) I know I have also been buying them to gain a bit more attention of the folks I might care to get to know better. And this thought occurred to me when I was in the shower tonight.
We all do that to an extent. We buy things and do things that we know will attract the eye or ear of others. We laugh a bit louder than we might have otherwise. We try a new perfume or cologne. We get a new haircut. We buy a new outfit. And all of that is fine, as long as we know where the line is drawn.
When I was a military spouse, there was an expectation. You should dress appropriately and neatly. I was good at that. Hair neat, makeup minimal, clothes nice but not too nice and colorful but not too colorful.
The thing is, under all of the weight of those expectations, are we being true to ourselves? How can we be sure that we are?
As a parent, I know that I want my kids to try to be whatever they want to be an whomever they want to be. I want them to grow in confidence of  their abilities and I want them to keep trying when others doubt. But do I do that myself? Do I lead by example?
People at church expect me to be one way. Super volunteer is usually part of it. People at work expect me to be another way. (Big mean banker lady) Old friends want me to be how they remembered and new ones take that first impression and kinda pin it on for keeps. I would say of all of those things apply.. I am many of them. I am many things to many people. I am a shoulder to cry on, an ear that listens, a person that tells it like it is. I am snarky and sassy and I am friendly and fun. I am all of these things. And sometimes people only see one  of them and sometimes, once in a while, they are lucky enough to know all of the sides of me. And that is me being me.